Waiting in Joyful Hope

Today is my daughter's second birthday.  Two years ago my dad held Regina just hours old.  One year ago my dad missed her first birthday celebration because he had his first chemotherapy treatment. Today he will be here in spirit. 

   
When I learned my second child was due December 24 I knew advent and Christmas 2010 would be particularly spiritually rich.   My husband and I shared the anticipation Mary and Joseph did. All the physical experiences of being pregnant, like the baby kicking and turning or me becoming very uncomfortable, reminded me of our Holy Mother.  I was offered so many unique opportunities to meditate on the coming of the Lord because of my life's situation at that time.    

This advent I was prepared for being mostly sad and distracted.  "Sorry Jesus, I don't want to 'rejoice.' Can it be lent instead? These days I'd rather look to you on the cross than as a sweet infant to be adored." It's only been a little over a month since my father died (it feels like five years already).  I wasn't expecting for this advent/Christmas to be a spiritually rich one.  But like two years ago God took my life's circumstances at the time and has shown me how to draw closer to Him by participating spiritually in the season.  Isn't that just like Him; to take our expectations and return to us gifts and graces we weren't looking for?

My dad didn't appreciate people telling him he was going to beat cancer.  He always held firm to reality.  Although some would see it differently I say he did not hold onto one ounce of pessimism; not to be confused with the reality.  Chemo would only slow the cancer from growing but it was going to keep growing anyway.  My dad was always preparing us for his eventual death by talking bluntly about it, giving us directives about accepting it.  Because of the way he communicated I knew he was preparing himself first.  Preparing himself in the exact way the Church asks us to prepare during advent.  Waiting.  Anticipating the day Jesus will come.

Immediately after my dad's final hour came I never felt so close to heaven.  My mother and I were with him encouraging him to go and he listened.  It changed my life.  Before my spirituality was focused mostly on my relationship with God who is omnipresent.  God is everywhere but when I thought about heaven, well that place seemed just a little bit removed.   Not true.  Heaven was sent to us.  Emmanuel (God is with us) came to earth to unite them.  When I think of how far the angels, saints, and my father are now it's in the next step I take.  It's as far as a single breath not miles high in the sky.

Now I wait to see him again.  Even if I live for forty more years it doesn't seem like that long and that far.  That is what advent is about.  This is why we celebrate Christmas year after year.  Our celebration isn't simply just to recognize or give tribute to Jesus being born.  We celebrate what that birth means... heaven is with us and we wait in joyful hope to take that step into his kingdom.    

It's still a sad situation and will be a hard Christmas, but I am thankful that God has shown me this new perspective.  These thoughts really deserve to be developed better in this writing, but the limits of this world have me hoping what I shared is enough for you to reflect on while I go eat cake and finish getting the house ready for 8-13 additional people staying the week.

7 Quick Takes

...and "Texas" and "Arkansas" and "Missouri"  We leave after Adam gets off work tonight

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I don't know if it's pregnancy or just true American pride but I was a baby for all of the women's gymnastics sports.  I cried when Jordyn Weiber did not make the all-around.  I cried when the team won the gold medal.  I cried when Gabby won gold.  I will surely cry if Weiber wins gold in floor.  I've also cried for some of the swimmers when they were emotional (oh and that Judo girl too).  Also, Adam and I have been really cheering on the indoor volleyball teams.  We yell and cheer at the TV.  I don't know if my DVR can hold 8 hours of Olympics everyday for a week while we're gone.

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I'm not a pagent mom but it's a slippery slope.  I entered the kids in the state fair baby picture contest.  Thanks Liz B for letting me enter the one of Regina painting.  It may be a potential winner.  They judge on personality and appeal.  This year Jimmy is old enough to be in the cutest farmer contest.  I bought him so authentic things here and there like wrangler official rodeo jeans and work boots.  Sooo cute.  Pictures to come later. 

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I've kind of dismissed the idea of going to Omaha for a week to learn to be a practitioner for Creighton Method NFP.  Only because I don't know what to do with the kids for a week.  I feel a pull on my heart though to try harder since the diocese is offering to sponsor the whole thing. Prayers would be apprciated.

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You know what's REALLY annoying.  Getting down to a size where you can start wearing some of  those clothes you've missed and it looks mostly flattering but your belly looks like an area that needs work.  And also knowing it will be all too soon those clothes won't fit again.  So short lived.  I found a shirt I should have got. "It said I'm not fat, I'm pregnant (and fat)."  It's funny but I guess it's not really me in that I don't complain that I'm fat or really even say that to anyone.  Not even myself.  I know I'm overweight.  Before I started working on it I was very uncomfortable, but I never let it affect my mood.  I know I'm unique for that.  It just is what it is.  And I appreciate how good I've been feeling now, hope to continue to feel well, and will be able to pick up where I left off when I'm post partum.

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Have you tried those Starbucks refreshers?  I wouldn't have if some barista hadn't been standing in the heat giving out samples next to the drive through speaker.  They are the perfect summer drink. 

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You must listen to my son auto rap "Spiderman"    Please, I know it will change your day or make it more complete.  Go listen here:  Spiderman...is he green? No he's not. He is blue and red.

7 Quick Takes

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I've really been digging The Band Perry.  Jimmy mumbles along to this one too

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For Jimmy, potty training is a b****.  Right now we have to wait til it's just about an emergency because he's afraid to go.  My thinking is once he does this enough then he'll be able to relax and control his functions more.  Unfortunately we haven't been consistant because when I run errands or when we travel on the weekend I leave him in the diaper.  We have to get this down as he starts preschool in exactly one month but yet we have a weeks vacation, followed by the rodeo coming up.  Any suggestions for traveling and potty training?  HELP!

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I'm pretty sure I felt a little flutter when I went to bed last night. How easy it is to forget that feeling of a baby moving in your womb. Even though you have a connection with that child you don't yet know who they will be.  It's so wonderful to be reminded when your previous children were in the womb and imagine them as the ones doing summersaults. 

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Adam and I think we'll skip the state fair this year because of money and heat.  However, with the activity going on right now on the fairgrounds (jr horse show and people setting up) Vose's corndog stand is open.  Yes, I already went.  Yes, I'll probably go back.  It makes me feel like I went to the fair.

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A while ago I said I wanted to go to a concert and I'd pick Miranda Lambert.  Well she's playing at the state fair but we're spending our money on a vacation so no Miranda, no Pistol Annies.  So sad.

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Our trip entails Oklahoma, Texas, Arakansas, and Branson MO.  I'm most looking forward to the histroic stockyards in Fort Worth

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I've been hanging on to a spa gift card for way too long.  I can't make up my mind what I'd like to do with it: facial, massage, mani/pedi.  Perhaps this weekend will be my chance!

 

Here Comes the Three-peat

So awhile back I thought I had a brilliant topic for a blog post.  You can read it here!  It's about the emotional experience a couple who practices natural family planning goes through when they think they might be pregnant then are not.

I wrote it in the third person although it is clearly about us. 

I'll wait for you to go ahead and read it....go on...


Right...so...The thing about early detection pregnancy tests are they only promise a certain amount of accuracy depending how far away from the missed period you are.  NFP couples have a hard time waiting until the missed period to take a pregnancy test because they have the tools to know if they should be pregnant. 

I was one of those people.

So now we're happy to announce we are expecting January 15, 2013. 

We can't wait for another beauty like these two...

Tide of Emotions

A couple who practices natural family planning (NFP) may experience a tide of emotions with regard to a pregnancy test.

Let's say a couple is practicing NFP to avoid pregnancy. In a moment, a very specific point in time, their interaction with each other is more deep and meaningful than any other: real sacramental supernatural stuff.

But the chart shows a white baby sticker after day 3 green baby sticker.  Hmmm..."That peak day came way earlier than any other...perhaps this is a double peak situation." For readers not familiar with the Creighton Method of NFP that day is interpreted as a day of fertility. The couple took a chance to achieve pregnancy.  Yet the days leading up to it were signs of ovulation come and gone.

From NaPro Instruction Manual depicting different fertility situations

As beings made to live in the present their hearts are open to where the Holy Spirit leads them.  And in that moment it was to each other.  They have a sense of peace about their time spent together as opposed to feeling unsettled about abstaining for the sake of avoiding pregnancy.  (As a side note here:  NFP couples should not feel unsettled for abstaining but I only say that to emphasize the clarity of their experience.  And let's be honest, they're not all created equal.)  They reflect on what the possible outcome may be.  Yet, beyond that moment, this couple talks about how confident they are that God is still not calling them to try co-creating during these months of their lives.

Many couples do not realize the possibility a woman is pregnant until she misses her period.  Oppositely, NFP couples have to wait until they know they are at a point that finally the early pregnancy tests could detect pregnancy hormones.  During that wait there may be conversations of what an additional family member would mean for them, baby names, and the like.  One or the other may get distracted envisioning a child and the new family dynamic.   



And then...

  
..."OH. Um...whew...I guess. We really dodged a bullet??"

The result above elicits a mixed reaction.  The couple doesn't celebrate with relief.  The ideas they had about the future are dismissed.  They are not necessarily disappointed.  They weren't trying to get pregnant in the first place.  An outcome they did experience is a strengthening and growth of their relationship by having trust in each other and in God.  This is the beauty of Natural Family Planning.

7 Quick Takes

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This song... oh man... when I'm working out and it comes on I just want to dance down the aisle of treadmills.  It makes me speed up on my elliptical.  It just gives me so much JOY and makes me feel like a hot momma.

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Last weekend we celebrated Adam's mother's birthday in Chicago.  We took a freezing boat tour of Chicago architecture launching from Navy Pier and ate at Rick Bayless's Xoco.  We ate delicious italian beef sandwiches at Wally's in Park Ridge and Portillo's in Schuamburg.  Adam went to a favorite game store and the kids had so much fun seeing their cousins.  When I'm in the city I feel like a different person.  I like that feeling... A LOT.  I'm not sure if that's good or bad.  I feel energized, hip, and I want to spend lots of money on whatever...  food, drinks, chochkies, whatever.  Jimmy loved seeing trains pretty much every time we got in the car and I considered it God's way of spoiling him that weekend.  We can't wait to go back soon.

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My car is still in the shop from my accident two and a half weeks ago.  During this whole thing Adam and I talked about buying a minivan at some point.  I told him people will think I'm pregnant if we do.  He told me the clock would certainly be ticking if we did.  I thought that was funny.

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I've been an animal with the chainsaw around here.  Our backyard is really coming along.  We have a contract in to fence it off but I need to do more to prep the lines.

-5-

Why do I feel so busy lately?  I guess I'm trying to keep the kids and myself occupied.  Jimmy has swim class tomorrow.  The library is fun.  I have to get all this paperwork and money together for the youth group to go to Catholic Heart Workcamp.  That involves a lot of micro managing and communication.  I've been working out more and doing that yard work.  We travel many weekends to see family or host them here.  I guess I think I'm busy because I get neurotic about what needs to be done.  It's probably that I just fall short of managing this household.

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Regina really lives up to her name...the little Queen.  The most clear best thing she can say is, "Stop It."  She tells me when she is a "Sad Baby."   When we are in public she always waves to everyone like they are her court.  I adore her.

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I'm overdue for a night out to a concert.  If I had a choice I would go see Miranda Lambert in St. Louis.  Or maybe a more intimate concert at the Pageant would be nice like The Shins or Ingrid Michaelson.  Ooo, Old 97's will be at the Cubby Bear May 5th.  They were so good before.  Who would you go see?

   

  

Feasting on a Diet

He Is Risen.  He Is Risen Indeed!

My parents were visiting last weekend and my father helped me put up a new mailbox post.  I had bought a garden flag to attach to the side and the flag was a cross that said "Alleluia."  My dad said, "Good thing we're putting this up now that you can have your flag up for a day."

"Oh dad, Easter is for 8 days!"

So how are you celebrating this Octave?  What are your plans for the whole Easter season? 

This has been my struggle...how do you "Feast" beyond indulging in food? Let's just list a few... spend those gift cards you've been holding onto since Christmas, spend more time outdoors, let your kids do those art projects you cringe to do because of the mess, get a hair cut and make yourself feel pretty, decorate your home for the celebration...heck whatever it is do it with a heart that proclaims, "The tomb is Empty!  Salvation is mine."



Find free printables on Pinterest like this and actually get them ordered on photo paper enlarged to help decorate your home.

Personally this has been more difficult since I was in a car accident Monday evening.

I was feeling good on my way to the Y.  The sun was shining bright and I had that springtime Easter feeling when a lady made a wide turn out of her drive crossing over to my side of the street and smack...  I hit my head and lost my car for an undetermined amout of time.  I've been feeling restrained to the house with the kids going stir crazy and a bit depressed about the situation.  Some Pease's chocolate may have ended up in my hands...mouth...hips.  I said to myself, "Give me that chocolate, I'm celebrating the Resurrrection,"  but really my heart was saying, "relax, protect yourself, you were exposed to trauma."

Seriously though, 50 days of Easter is long. This great post at "Faith and Family Live" points out that when ordinary time comes there doesn't appear to be a transition because so many of us have already stopped celebrating. 

It seems so easy to balance everyday life with denying ourselves during Lent.  How can we balance everyday life with the celebration of Easter?  What would you do?  What Do you do? 

7 Quick Takes

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I do watch American Idol.  One contestant sang this song the other night which I happened to use as a song for a retreat talk I gave years ago.  He's clearly talking about his relationship with God.  LOVE

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Not gonna lie...I bought some lottery tickets.  It was once believed I would never be able to play the lottery because Adam worked at a certain place for the government.  However, the lottery just recently became its own department and we were told we could play.  At the beginning of the month I heard a commercial for a St. Patrick's day lottery and felt this urge to play.  When I got to it they were all sold out for that particular game.  So, when I heard of this historic jackpot I thought I better get in because you can't win if you don't play.  I DO NOT feel like there's some Divine Intervention telling me to play and I am NOT praying to win.  I DO reflect on how I would be a good steward of the all that money if it came our way.

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I'm only 3 chapters in, but the book "Style, Sex, and Substance" is soooo good. In some ways it's like I'm listening to my girlfriends, in some ways it's like I could of written that, and in many ways it's gotten me refocused.  

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Our town is doing the 40 days for life campaign.  I really wanted to participate but don't want to take the children. I daydream of what it would be like to smile at the women who pulled into the parking lot.  What my signage would be.  I would have a sign that simply said, "You are Worthy.  You are Loved," and wouldn't it be powerful if I were baby-wearing R and had a sign on her back, "I am worthy.  I am loved."

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The re-release of Titanic floods back memories (pun intended).  I remember going the first time on a double date.  I saw it at the Milan theater which is now tore down and has another building over it.  I remember those green vinyl seats and the packed audience.  Ahh, good times.

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Sometimes I feel inhibited to get out my camcorder, but I recently went back to the first recordings which were of J just weeks old.  I will hold those videos so dear.  I regret only capturing R at 3 months then 1 year for a total of 4 minutes.  I want to get a new higher resolution camcorder now.  It's just so great!

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Truth is I have about 10 topics saved for some really awesome blog posts.  Some of them I want to really master what I have to say.  I even have an editor lined up (my hubs).  I think the next posts will be a two-parter so be on the look out.

Have a good weekend!    

September Baby October Baby

A few months ago when I first saw a preview on the internet for the movie "October Baby" I actually said a prayer asking God for a way to see this movie.  If I was crying during the extended trailer I knew it would be a powerful movie.  Unfortunately it was not playing in Springfield.  The closest showing was Peoria.  My husband and I value our weekends together so it wasn't likely I would say adios for a day to travel there, see the movie, and travel back.  

This past week started by my husband saying, "Oh yeah, there's a bachelor party I'm going to Saturday if that's alright."  And then my mom called, "I'd really like to see you and the kids.  You're dad's not sure how he'll be feeling so we'll decide at the end of the week if we can make it there or maybe you could come here or meet halfway."  Friday mom called, "Do you think we could meet in Peoria?"  Then it dawned on me.  My parents had some missed baby-sitting opportunities in the past because of last minute changes in our plans.  "Yes, Peoria sounds GREAT.  Do you think you can watch the kids for two hours while I go to a movie?"

So on Saturday afternoon we met up, I gave mom the car, and they went literally across the street to the Shoppes of Grand Prairie to have ice cream and play.  Dad even bought a wagon with two seats and a canopy.  When I walked up I thought the ticket guy would say, "October What?"  I thought I'd be the only one in the theater.  When I turned the corner though there was a good crowd.  By the time the movie started, people were scooting into the empty seats in between to make room for more patrons.  It was SO encouraging.  And the movie was just fantastic.  It was well casted, well written, and  not agenda driven (not to be confused with having a message).  It was just a well told and played out story that you could immerse yourself in.  It wasn't cheesy or predictable.  It was just a QUALITY screenplay.  Check out the trailer...





On Sunday the youth group I lead sponsored a talk by my friend Bonnie.  The talk was about the events of her son born a year ago September and how they have been investigated for the cause for beatification of Archbishop Fulton Sheen.  She did such a beautiful job.  Everyone there was moved and had only positive feedback (those from the Jr High PSR class up to those from other parishes).  Our deacon left afterward to go to the parish men's group already in progress and said he had to reprimand them because it was just the best talk they all should have been at.  Bonnie did a great job of expressing her faith and put into perspective how the recounting of her son's alleged miracle is a story about the generosity and love of God and His Church. 

Let us pray for the cause for canonization of Archbishop Fulton Sheen:

Heavenly Father, source of all holiness, You raise up within the Church in every age men and women who serve with heroic love and dedication. You have blessed Your Church through the life and ministry of Your faithful servant, Archbishop Fulton J Sheen. He has written and spoken well of Your Divine Son, Jesus Christ, and was a true instrument of the Holy Spirit in touching the hearts of countless people.
If it be according to Your Will, for the honor and glory of the Most Holy Trinity and for the salvation of souls, we ask You to move the Church to proclaim him a saint. We ask this prayer through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen.

7 Quick Takes

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I am going to steal your format Bonnie and start these quick takes with a video.  Sue me but I'm buying you dinner Sunday :)  

Anyway, this diddy is by Jim Gill, a wonderful children's musician who emphasizes development through music play with parents.  You really need to check him out for your kids.  Do it! 

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This Sunday I'm excited to have our Youth Group host Bonnie , my former co-worker and roommate, for a parish talk.  I have given this talk the title of 61 Minutes: Witness to the Alleged Miracle of a Boy Born Without a Pulse.  Click on the link to read all about it.  It's only "alleged" because it has been thoroughly investigated by a Tribunal and is in Rome for consideration as an official miracle attributed to Archbishop Fulton Sheen.  Please pray that souls who are considering attending will come and listen with open and supportive hearts, for Bonnie to have strength and peace, and for the canonization of Fulton Sheen.

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If I won a $50,000 gift card to any store, I'd choose Lowe's.  I went there the other day to buy some essentials for tackling this damned yard and I found myself oogling over medicine cabinets, daydreaming of ceiling fans, fantasizing over new carpet, imagining myself installing a fence in the backyard, and running home to my husband describing the perfect fire pit we have to buy with the next paycheck.  I am in no way joking when I say I missed my calling to be some sort of carpenter/contractor.  I am a mix of Willems/Lawson blood after all.  There's just something about home renovation that feeds my creative artistic needs.  Forget journaling, forget scrapbooking; give me some safety goggles and power tools.

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I have one up on Bonnie and Jen Fulwiler because I took down our Christmas lights today.   

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I've been going to a Hip Hop fitness class at the Y.  I love it! At first it was awkward because of all the 15-20 year old girls lined up at the door.  Then there was the inhibition to move those hips and shake that booty.  But then the class evened out with women noticeably older than me and comparable in size.  The honest truth is though, even for being a bigger girl, I have more rhythm and technique than most all others.  Now, after being a regular at this I tried Zumba and hate hate hate hated it.  It felt like Latin hula dancing.  I know it can be intensive but it's just not hardcore enough for me.

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Did you know a skinny latte from Starbucks in considered a power food on Weight Watchers?  I love coffee.

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WOW, I just realized I mentioned Bonnie in 3 of these posts!  Now it's 4!  

Have a good weekend!

  

Wrongful Birth

Have you seen this story?  In Portland, OR a couple won $3 million because of a "Wrongful Birth."  The parents say they would have aborted their daughter who has Down Syndrome but the genetic testing, done incorrectly, lead them to believe their baby was normal.  Oh, please don't get them wrong, they love their now 4 year old daughter, but all those doctor bills and developmental therapists, it's such a burden and they demand compensation.

In the article, a blip at the bottom also mentions a family in Florida who received $4.5 million for a "Wrongful Birth" because their son was born with no arms and one leg.  They were asking for $9,000,000 because they claim that is what it would take to care for him in a 70 year life span.

What if you were told the reason your family had a comfortable lifestyle was because they won money for not wanting you born?  What message is this for people born with an abnormality?  Why is this just a pro-life issue?  Where's the outcry from disability rights activists?  

The hurt, the pain, the confusion when those children learn they were used by the people claiming to love them unconditionally, the people they feel safest with and who supposedly are committed to protecting them.  Children who are already susceptible to feeling insecure because of their disability.

This is such a sick mindset and so very dangerous.  It took a jury to win the cases.  Twelve (twenty-four total in these scenarios) people came back all agreeing, yes it would have been better if you ended that child's life in the womb.       

7 Quick Takes

My first "7 Quick Takes."  This is a Friday thing inspired by Conversion Diary that offer 7 quick casual and light hearted thoughts.  I'm excited to join the community of "Quick Takers"  Here we go...


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What would you do with a week of free childcare?  Shop? Spa? I would spend all my time in the backyard.  The poor large backyard with such wonderful potential is grossly overgrown, taken over by mint, and all around uncomfortable to spend ANY time in.  I get soooo nuerotic looking out through the french doors into the yard from our family room.  That tree needs to come down, those saplings need pulled... I can't stand it.  Hey mom, what are you doing spring break?

-2-

How the heck to I center my numbers? I need to learn some HTML codes.

-3-

OH.  I found it.  Anyway, is anybody else's enamor with Pinterest dwindling?  I mean I still think it's fun, but I don't want to actually search online to find cute stuff to pin.  I want my friends who I'm following to up their game and pin more interesting things so that I can repin them. 

-4-

Look at these Curls!!!  LOVE

-5-

Adam and I are dieting on Weight Watchers.  I've lost 13 pounds and he's lost 20 plus in 6 weeks.  We're really happy with the program and plan to stick with it for a long time.  

-6-

Please continue to pray for my dad, Keith, and ask for the intercessions of St. Blaise as he lives with esophegeal cancer.  Some of you know but my dad's nickname was Blaze in high school because of his red hair.  And he's just as onery as you'd expect a red head to be. 

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I'm looking forward to a visit from Adam's parents this weekend.  If you pop in you're sure to see my father-in-law and husband switching to all the channels to watch March Madness and perhaps find me and  my mother-in-law at Kohl's...or better yet Lowe's then in the backyard to make it more enjoyable in the beautiful weather.

Have a great weekend! 

Make Room for Me

Under the same title, I tried blogging in the past.  It was more or less a glorified status update which was particularly boring since I did not have kids or a job at the time.  My husband has said he thinks blogs are boring for the most part because the majority of writers do not have a particular subject matter. 

I attended the Behold Conference last weekend which gave rightful recognition to some wonderful women Catholic bloggers.  These women write about the particulars and maybe not always so exciting events of their lives but it's all with regard to and a perspective from the Church.  It's interesting and ultimately aspires to lead its readers to a deeper relationship with God.  This inspired me to give blogging a go again. 

Two nights ago I lay awake in bed trying to come up with a really clever name.  One I'd be proud to stand behind when I got such notoriety as Hallie Lord at Betty Beguiles or Sr. Helena Burns at Hell Burns or the like.  I concluded that my original title was clever enough and should not go wasted.  Capital Catholic will often times reflect on politics as one would come to expect from the name.  On another note, when I see the title I'm reminded of a capital letter.  A capital letter is bold and so I too am going to be bold in my writing; unashamedly Catholic. 

I hope you enjoy my writing and make room for me in your moments of online reflection.  But most of all, I pray that the Holy Spirit inspires my words so that you will always turn to Him, the true Author of Life.